The Ballad of Maggie Spence

The Ballad of Maggie Spence

 

Old Maggie Spence left east Buffalo
On the Cannonball Express at seven oh oh.
Beating dead horses was on her mind.
She hoped by the tracks there would be plenty to find.

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck.
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

Just outside Erie, Maggie had her first crack,
The train stopped to clear a dead horse from the tracks.
Maggie with her big stick jumped from the train,
And upon that dead horse, her blows they did rain.

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck,
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

Heading south from Cleveland the train did roll
Stopping in Akron to take on some coal.
Maggie Spence spotted a dead horse or two,
And charged off the train ready to make glue.

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck,
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

 

On rolled the train, boilers ready to pop,

So in Cincinnati Old Cannonball made a water stop

Maggie, poor soul, she needed some rest,

She stayed on the train as it no longer went west.

 

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck,
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

 

In Lexington Maggie woke to a heck of a sight

Horses to beat to the left and the right!

She beat them so hard she ground them to salt

But, oh Maggie, oh Maggie had triggered the New Madrid fault!

 

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck,
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

 

Old Cannonball tried to outrun that earthquake,

But that old train just didn’t have what it takes.

Try as it might, the train was too slow,

To beat that great shake to the banks of the Ohio.

 

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

 

Kentucky had risen three hundred yards.

Buildings had toppled like houses of cards.

Maggie’s doom was upon her as the train topped the ridge,

One hundred miles per hour and no freaking bridge.

 

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!

 

In a long, graceful arc poor Cannonball fell,

Whistling defiance and ringing his bell.

The chasm was deep. The chasm was vast.

But something tells me this weren’t Maggie’s last.

 

Ohhhhh Maggie Spence, Maggie Spence
Beat that dead horse to heck
Watch out cuz there's a coming
a great Big BIG train wreck!